Invader Zim! Unstoppable Death Machine!
by SolemnGlory
Summary: For Valentine's Day...ZAGR one shot...That's all I'm saying!


**This is just a little ZAGR one shot I thought of off the top of my head...it's not in any way related to my other fic, A Nice Day for Some Doom! I could see that some reviewers are torn a bit by the Zim-Gaz-Pepito love triangle, and it could go any way in that fic...so I decided to make two short stories, one is a ZAGR, the other is a PAGR. This one's for the ZAGR Fans! I got some inspiration from issue 39 of the Zim comics... anyways, read on. And Happy Valentine's Day everyone :)**

**As a disclaimer, I don't own Invader Zim. It belongs to the awesome Jhonen Vasquez!**

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**Valentine's Day: The Membrane Household...**

It was a typical night at the Membrane household...

A 17 year old Dib was watching Mysterious Mysteries on the big TV in the living room. His 16 year old cynical sister, Gaz, was playing her GS5 and sitting on the sofa.

"You've gotta be kidding me! That's no _haunted_ potato! That video was obviously _faked!_" Dib complained about the ridiculous yet highly praised video Batflaps recorded.

Gaz never took her eyes off the screen. "_Pathetic._" She agreed. She didn't even need to see it to know it was ridiculous. The cheesy sound effects alone were _bad_ enough...

**THUD!**

A loud noise soon interrupted their previously uneventful night...it was so loud it even shook the house.

"What was that?!" Dib shouted, going on high alert as he jumped off the couch.

Gaz just shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know and she certainly didn't care...

**STOMP!**

Loud mechanical whirring could now be heard, along with several more stomps, which further shook the foundation of the house.

**STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!**

Dib ran out the front door, only to see Zim...in an _enormous_ battle mech!...That looked like it was made of random junk.

It was a polished maroon colored metal battle robot that was composed of smaller pieces of random stuff, including a mailbox, a drill, a golf club, and...Gir as a knee?!

"ZIM?!" The large headed paranormal investigator yelled in surprise...

He had every right to...the green alien menace was obviously planning a sneak attack on him in the safety of his own home!

But out of all the random junk that Zim had made the battle mech out of and the weird weapons that were prepared to fire...

The large robot held in it's cold metal hands...

A bouquet of flowers and a present?!

IT MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

"_DIB!"_ The alien shouted menacingly...

"I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY EARTH, SPACE-BOY! ESPECIALLY WITH THAT ROBOT MADE OF RANDOM GARBAGE!" Dib shouted a warning to the Invader.

"HEY! MY ROBOT'S _AMAZING!_ I MADE IT _MYSELF!"_ Zim bragged.

_"Uh, yeah. I can tell."_ Dib retorted.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!" Zim angrily asked his enemy.

"I mean it's obviously made out of random junk! _It's not well thought out at all!_ I mean, you have random weapons! Like a _drill!_ And a _golf club!_ What are you gonna do, _GOLF_ ME TO DEATH!? Drill a hole in the ground for me to fall in?! And what are you doing with flowers and boxes?! Are you gonna just throw _random_ stuff at my head now?!" Dib taunted.

"THIS IS IRKEN TECHNOLOGY AT IT'S FINEST! WITNESS THE POWER OF MY SUPERIOR BATTLE MECH!" Zim screamed as he directed the robot to use the golf club and karate chop Dib's garage, splitting it in half and surprisingly causing colossal damage.

"_MY GARAGE!_" Dib angrily screamed in horror as he watched it collapse. "I ACTUALLY HAD _COOL STUFF_ IN THERE!"

"_TOO BAD!"_ Zim snapped.

"I'M A KNEE!" Gir happily screamed.

"Yes, I _know_ you're a knee Gir. Now be a good knee and be quiet!" Zim commanded him.

"OKEY DOKEY!...Squirrels!" The insane robot shouted at Dib.

Dib immediately made a run for Tak's ship, hoping that it survived that display of destructive stupidity.

Thankfully, it survived!

Zim directed his battle mech to take a few steps closer to the house...

"I'LL STOP YOU ZIM! I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY MY HOUSE!" Dib screamed in a panic as he bolted and prepared to get in Tak's ship.

"_'DESTROY YOUR HOUSE!?'_ HAHAHA!" The Irken laughed, his menacing tone of voice fading.

"Huh?!" Dib asked in confusion.

_"That's not why I'm here!"_

"Then why _are_ you here? In a _death bot_?" Dib asked. He felt suspicious.

"Is you scary sister home?" He calmly asked.

"Yeah, she's right inside- OH NO YOU DON'T! I WON'T LET YOU TRY TO DESTROY HER!...Wait...She would _actually_ destroy you...Yeah, that's more like it." Dib warned him.

"Oh, I'm not here to destroy her! I just wanted to...um..._talk?"_ Zim told him.

A look of pure confusion mixed with craziness formed on the young paranormal investigator's face. "So in other words, you're here to DESTROY MY SISTER!"

"NO I'M NOT!" Zim immediately denied. "I would NEVER-"

Suddenly, the door to the Membrane house opened, and the goth girl of doom appeared, wearing her usual scowl.

"Hey! Shut up you two! I'm on level 79 of my game and your robot keeps shaking the couch! I can't even-"

"HAPPY DAY OF HEARTS, GAZ HUMAN!" Zim happily told her.

Dib raised an eyebrow as to what was going on. He couldn't believe it...

"_What?" _The purple haired girl asked in disbelief. She and Zim had established a close friendship months earlier, (unbeknownst to her brother) but she had no idea he was planning something like _this._..

"I SAID, HAPPY DAY OF HEARTS, MY GAZ HUMAN!" Zim happily said as he directed the robot to give her a bouquet of flowers and a present.

The goth girl reluctantly accepted the gifts..."You mean _Valentine's Day?_" She asked. How she HATED that holiday...

"Yeah! That's it! Your human holiday of love and appreciation!" Zim excitedly replied.

Dib couldn't have looked more scared. "Gaz! Don't open that box! It's probably a _bomb_ or-"

"_A Vampire Piggy Hunter?"_ She said, a small smile now forming on her face.

"Yeah! Oh wait...What?" Dib asked. He ripped the Pop figure of the infamous Vampire Piggy Hunter out of her hands, inspecting it as if it was going to explode.

"Get your hands off, Dib. That's the _rare_ version." She grumbled, ripping it away from her brother.

"Yeah, get your FILTHY hands off, Dib stink!" Zim yelled. "It took me MONTHS just to find that and STEAL IT!"

"Wait...Does _anyone_ want to tell me WHAT'S GOING ON?!" The large headed boy asked, almost afraid of what he was going to find out.

"_Not really._" Zim replied as he halted the robot and climbed down. He walked over to Gaz, who looked at him with not her usual scowl, but a small smile.

Gaz looked at Dib and smirked. "Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you that Zim's my friend..."

"Wait...FRIEND! BUT Y-YOU'RE GAZ! YOU DON'T MAKE FRIENDS! WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH ZIM?! HOW LONG WERE YOU HIS FRIEND?!" Dib asked, in full older brother freak out mode...

"Oh, just several months..." She said nonchalantly to her brother.

"WHAT?! WHERE WAS I DURING ALL THIS?!" He asked.

"_I don't know. Where were you?_" She asked.

"..._Chasing Nosferatus_..." He shamefully answered. He should have known this MONTHS AGO! "How did I miss that?! _Me?! The obsessive compulsive Dib?!"_

Zim placed a hand on Gaz's shoulder as she looked down at the flowers and the figure he went through all the trouble to get her.

"_Thanks_..." She quietly told the Invader, a small blush now apparent on her face. She really didn't know what to think...she never thought in a million years Zim would make some sort of weird but nice Valentine's Day gesture.

"Uh, do you mind?" Zim said to Dib...he clearly didn't want the large headed boy around at the moment.

"_Mind what?_" Dib asked, not getting the hint.

"LEAVE US!" Zim snapped, pointing for him to go in the other direction.

"NO WAY!" Dib screamed. "I'm not letting you alone with her!"

"I just want to talk to her!" Zim shouted.

"You mean to tell me, Zim, that you made this _horrible death robot_, marched it all the way across town, just to give my sister _stuff_ for Valentine's Day?!"

"Yeah. What were you _expecting?_" Zim asked, confused by his question.

"I WAS EXPECTING YOU TO TRY AND _TAKE OVER EARTH!_ NOT TO TRY AND _DATE_ MY SISTER! I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE!" Dib screamed as he tried not to gag at the repulsive thought.

"No. I merely brought the robot here to _impress_ Gaz. Girls LOVE Death Bots!...That and to show her that I'M AN UNSTOPPABLE DEATH MACHINE, ya know!" He bragged and flexed his arms.

Gaz smacked her head.

"THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!" Dib shouted.

"I'M A KNEE!" Gir yelled as he fidgeted around, shaking the robot.

"Oh, don't get _jealous_, Dib. I shall simply use my ingenious plan to take over filthy Earth _tomorrow!"_ The Irken shouted, waving him off.

"But I'm_ not_ jealous! I'm CONFUSED! AND GROSSED OUT!" Dib crazily shouted.

Suddenly, without warning, the 'knee' of the robot broke away from it, which caused the entire battle mech to come crashing to the ground with a loud thud.

**CRASH!**

And if that wasn't bad enough, the crash caused some of the wrong buttons to be pushed...

Which sent a flaming hot golf club shooting across the sky...

And caused a flaming hot drill to be launched into space at an insanely fast speed...

"Whoops..." The little robot sheepishly said as he dusted himself off and chased a random acorn across the yard.

**BOOM!**

Suddenly, the sky lit up down town, followed by horrible screams and sounds of sirens. Finally, a giant black cloud of smoke appeared in the sky further away, which ironically formed the shape of a heart.

"OH NO! I got to go help people! And record this for my paranormal blog!" Dib bravely announced as he sprinted off toward the direction of town.

Which left Zim and Gaz alone...

"So...uh, Happy Valentine's Day!" Zim proudly told the goth girl.

"Well, that was actually kinda funny." She snickered. " Happy Valentine's Day." She told him. "...I _didn't_ know that you-"

"Yeah..._for awhile now_. Zim answered, already knowing what the last part of her sentence was going to be. "_Do you_-"

"Yeah. _I like you too_, I guess..." She quietly told him.

The Irken felt happiness surge through his body..."VICTORY!" He proudly announced,as he suddenly hugged the goth girl...

As they broke apart, Zim very quickly pulled her in close again, this time, for a soft kiss on the lips...

Gaz was initially astonished, but found herself easing into the kiss...and getting comfortable with Zim...

The two of them felt _happy_...

The duo of doom very reluctantly broke apart as they heard another explosion somewhere in the distance...

Zim placed his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him once more. Gaz leaned her head against his, as they watched the big heart shaped cloud of smoke in the distance.

"Hmm..." Gaz hummed thoughtfully.

"What is it?" Zim asked.

"I wonder where the _other_ part of your robot went to?" She asked.

"Eh, probably went to doom some more _pathetic_ humans..." Zim said, a big smile forming on his face.

** Later in Space: Location: The Massive:**

"_AW YEAH!_ MORE DONUTS!" Tallest Purple happily said as he munched on some more sugary snacks.

"Hey, you know, today's _such a good day!_" Tallest Red told him.

"Why? Cuz that worthless ridiculously short table drone brought us even more snacks?" Purple asked as he motioned to the short Irken, Bob, who glared at him.

"Well, there's that...AND ZIM DIDN'T EVEN CALL US ALL DAY!" Tallest Red proudly announced, earning some wild cheers from his fellows soldiers aboard the Massive.

"WHOA! I THINK THAT'S THE LONGEST HE'S EVER WENT WITHOUT CALLING US!" Purple said, practically crying tears of joy.

"I can't believe he _still_ thinks he's on a mission!" Red said with an evil laugh.

"LOSER!" Purple shouted mockingly, causing the rest of the soldiers to laugh.

"_Oh, I'm Zim, and I think I'm great at destroying things!_" Red imitated Zim's voice.

"_Yeah, I'm gonna crush everybody with my junky death bot I made out of garbage!"_ Purple joined in, and then cackled.

"WHAT A MORON!" Red shouted, laughing uncontrollably as everyone joined in...

Without warning, a drill travelling at an incredibly, ridiculously fast speed crashed into one of the smaller ships in the Armada...

Said smaller ship crashed into the one aside of it, and then those two crashed...

Until every single smaller ship that was a part of the Armada crashed like a bad domino effect...

Tallest Red and Purple stood in the front window of the Massive, and were completely shocked and dumbfounded by all the sudden destruction to their small escorting fleet of ships.

Everyone's jaws dropped from what they witnessed...

A donut fell from Purple's mouth as he and Red saw a _random, beat up drill_ floating past the window...

"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!" Red screamed in frustration.

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**The End!**


End file.
